What to do...

So, I'm at a bit of a crossroads spiritually and emotionally. I've had one good interview in my job search, but its a bit further away from my extended family. I have a lot of pressure from some of my extended family to seek a position in Minnesota, but haven't really made much headway in getting somebody to look at my resume yet... I'm trying to see if God's will for me to stay here (in Chicago) last year is still His will, or if I am to do His work elsewhere. I'm resting in a fog of doubt and uncertainty, pondering what might be and probably getting ahead of myself with wishful thinking...

Part of the problem is dissociating my desires and will from what God wants me to do. I have a craving for new things and variety - a big move to a new company, doing new projects in a new house is certainly going to provide a big dose of change and variety. So, first off is to figure out if I'm leaving the Chicago area for greener (or snowier) pastures. God called me to stay here last year, to to take a position in the leadership of our Church. I want to be very certain that I am following His will if I leave here. This hasn't been clear to me so far - nobody has stood up and told me 'God says Go West young man!'. This may be a test of my discernment...

Another part is making sure that I go through this with the right motives, again following where God would have me to be. I don't want to follow the money, or feel that I need to provide for my family (immediate or extended) - but I need to trust in God's provision. Certainly it will be easy if when I get an offer it is such an obvious low-ball offer that its clear that I can't take that position, but what if it isn't? I've been praying for God to make clear to me what the position is that I should take, that he closes down all other options. I've already had one phone interview end quickly because it was apparent that while I filled the role, there wasn't going to be an acceptable offer forthcoming. Where I start getting my self mired in uncertainty is by following this line of thought:

What if I get an offer that is acceptable, but still haven't heard from God to verify this?
What if there is something better coming up, and though this seems good it is really a 'closed door'?
Can I make the right decision on something that is acceptable to me, or will my excitement drown out the holy spirit warning me about a position?

I can't prove a positive outcome - the negative is easy (no offer, bad role, not a fit). Something that isn't negative might not be best - I can only pray for the discernment to know, to see the choir of angels that delivers 'THE' offer to me... ;) Only God can prove the positive (through that hypothetical choir of angels...).

More of the problem is that it's easy to take opportunities that have been presented and work them to a logical conclusion - which of course means getting the dream job that the posting represents. So I've been thinking about how wonderful it would be to live in Phoenix and bike more of the year, how awesome to be in Minnesota with family nearby, how we can sell our current house for a lot, and get a great house cheap (and worked out all the issues of how to finance, move, etc.). It becomes easy to put my interpretation on events and what I do hear from God, blessing each of these options...

I appreciate your ongoing prayers to help me see the path, to have discernment to follow Gods will for my family, to not be swayed by money, or family desires, or fears but to hold true to the eternal provision and be faithful to that.

What's going on?

Hi all - if you've been following things here, you know that my group was suddenly further reduced, including me, so my illustrious career in mobile phone design is more or less over... What am I doing now that I have an extra 40 hours a week?

1) Looking for the next job - already working on that, had a few phone calls already. Ideally, I work out a start date of March 30, which is just after my 'official' last day (60 days notice thing), and would allow me to keep/save/use all of the 26 weeks of severance. Collecting unemployment benefits requires that I do a certain amount of time searching for a new position.

2) Working through some career transition classes. Part of the severance package is 6 months of transition support services - consulting to get my resume in order, interviewing, negotiation help - along with a placement service. So, I start through some of those classes this week and next.

3) Work around the house - there are a lot of projects that haven't been getting done, and now they are. We're figuring that if we have to move (seems likely) we should finish all the things we started. If we don't have to move, then we get a like-new house... :) Some of the things that have to be done:

• Paint the kitchen cabinets
• Fix a big hole in the kitchen wall with a bunch of wires coming out of it (don't know who made that, we found it when the suspended ceiling was removed)
• Paint the kitchen walls
  
• Finish installing baseboards in the master bedroom
• Paint the master bathroom (clean up the mildew first)
• Clean mildew from the master bath shower, and replace some caulk and grout that is loose
• Figure out how to fix the shower once-and-for-all so that it stops leaking
• Fix the big hole in the family room ceiling below the shower drain...
• Fix a big hole in the kids bathroom wall (caused when a sliding door fell off track)
• Paint the kids bathroom
• Paint the upstairs hall
• Touch up some ceiling spots that got wall paint on them in the dining and living rooms
• Paint trim in the master bedroom
• Fix the front door lockset
• Paint the window frames in the basement
• Replace a basement door that was abused by toys (and is a little holey)
• Replace some ceiling tiles in the basement
• lots of paint touch-up in the basement (maybe repaint the basement)
• Finish updating the phone wiring (figure out which wires go to phone jacks that were removed...)
• Paint ceiling on the basement stairs
• Paint celing in the office
• Clean out the fireplace (still ashes in there from the last fire 5 years ago)
  
• etc

You get the picture - plenty of stuff to do. At some point we also need to look into replacing most of the carpet in the house - a lot is +25 years old, and well worn at this point. If we do have to sell, and it doesn't happen when there is snow on the ground, add to the list some major grass renovation work and garden cleanup...

4) Update my coding skills a little bit - it has been a while since I actually wrote software... (vs. telling other people how to write it) Anybody need some programs written?

5) Goof off. We went to the Museum of Science and Industry today - not many people there, which was great. I need another 400,000 points in Lego Star Wars to buy the minikit detector, and find the last minikit I'm missing - then I'll have completed the game.

So, I don't have to worry much about going insane from boredom...

God provides

So, if you've read the previous two days postings you know that my current management doesn't feel that I'm needed anymore. Even though the loss of a job might seems like a big thing, and something that might cause some to doubt God's provision, I can already see how He is working through this, and how He was working even before I knew about my position being reduced:

1) On Thursday morning I had an email in my inbox from a colleague I'd worked with on other projects before, who is in a 'safe' division (one that is still profitable, and likely to stay that way). That group is expanding, and has some openings. So, there is at least one possible opportunity which would cause only a change in my duties, and not in my employment status.

2) Because of the size of the reduction, there is a legal requirement for 60 day notification. Though my last day worked is due to be Jan 30, I remain on the payroll with full benefits (including accruing vacation, which will be paid in April). This accounts to a legally required paid vacation for two months...

3) I have through industry standards activity in the last few years made a number of contacts and references which may be useful. There are people outside of my current group who feel that I am still needed, and are escalating the issue, so my status may be reversed.

While this seems like a nice, rosy set of good provisions, I also have to say that He doesn't always clear up problems in a nice easy package - there may be some lessons He is trying to teach through the experience. I still have the emotional impact to deal with, and still have to take some actions to secure my position. I have to trust Him and listen carefully for how to proceed - to remain in Grayslake (which I felt to be the calling last year) or to take steps I may feel are needed to remain employed, even if that involves moving away. I have to fight through what might be a greedy, world-induced desire to maximize my financial gain (seek work elsewhere and keep the most of the severance package) and see His true path. If no internal opportunity arises, I have to trust in His provision and leadership - that He will provide employment before we run out of money, and to see clearly where we should go or stay and what adjustments may be necessary.

Part of this experience is to remind me not to put trust in anything of the world - but to trust in God for provision. Perhaps we will become missionaries - that is a safe job which will not go away (until Jesus returns at least) - though the pay is much les....

Live blogging from layoff land (2)

It seems that I, and most of the rest of my team, are no longer needed. At least I now know the direction to take, and will likely have some extra free time after Jan. 30 (and as much as I can steal before then).

Live blogging from Layoff land

So, if you've read the news today you probably saw a story about my employer releasing 4000 people this week. Meetings are going on around here today and tomorrow, where people learn their fate. I have a mandatory, in-person meeting (with the rest of my team) set for 1:30. Either we all stay or we all leave is my take - just don't know which yet.

I will provide information when I learn it. I'm not overly concerned either way - if I get to leave, it might involve a move; if I stay I have to deal with deteriorating morale in a company which still hasn't shown that it can sort out management and program inefficiencies to compete in todays cell-phone market. Not sure which is better - one hand has 26 weeks of severance pay and 2 months of medical insurance (plenty of time to lean on my network to find a position), the other has continuing job security - though at a company which is rapidly going into the ground...

Why we need God

I've seen a number of things in the last week that I find interesting, as they point out a few truths from the Bible, and how we need God, even if we don't want to admit that.

There have been a number of 'displays' created by atheist groups, joining in the nativity, menorah, etc. displays around the country. I find it interesting how as these groups explain what they are doing, that they feel they need to convince people that we are 'past the religious superstition of the past'. The atheists recognize that people (and this is from all culture groups and countries) seem to always seek after some 'myth' that leads to greater explanation of what is going on... While some of the 'myths' have been answered by science (which I think is the premise of the atheist argument - that science has provided answers for all the reasons that people seek religious explanations) there are a number which have not - we don't know just how the universe began, we don't know how awareness in humans comes about, and we don't know why humans in particular enjoy some things like music.

I also read an interesting article about 'humanism' as a 'religion'. This is a growing movement to provide the rituals and fellowship that are found in a church, without being religious (other than perhaps worshiping humanity...). This also points to a huge need within people to be part of something larger - that we aren't satisfied being alone, and weren't created to be self-sufficient. The 'Humanists' seek the relation, but don't want religion (yet, they are creating something like a religion in providing the framework for the relation...).

This need to be part of something larger is really our (humanity's) desire to be in right relation to God. We were created to be with God (look at Genesis 2, the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden). Because of sin (see Genesis 3) we can't have that relation. That need is 'written' into us - it is part of our being, it is made clear, as in Romans 1-20:

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

(read Romans 1-3 for a really great explanation of how this need for relation exists, and why we can't have it - Romans 4-8 talk about the solution).

So, if the explanation to our 'obsessive and irrational need' to be in something greater, which leads to the perceived need for religion and ritual, is found in God, why isn't that obvious to all? Because we (humans with free will) have again (and continue to) rejected God.

Romans 2:5 - But because of your stubborness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgement will be revealed.

Those who seek to be free from God will :

Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.
Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull and close their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.
- Isaiah 6:9-10

If we refuse to accept God, we will not be able to understand His ways and His doings, and will not be able to see the mercy which He has for us. This is the missing piece in the above examples - people who have consciously separated themselves from God (the definition of an atheist) cannot see the work of God, and have to seek within Human knowledge for why things are the way they are - when the truth is that God placed them there. Why do humans enjoy music? So that they may encounter God in music, and because He loves music. Why do humans feel a need for religion? We were created to worship God.

If you don't understand what I've written here, maybe you need to find a way to relation with God. Because of our sin, only one way exists - through knowing the rising Jesus as your Redeemer and Savior - He who dies as a sacrifice for your sins, so that you may approach God as holy and blameless...

Cute Kidisms

New quote - yesterday evening, after we watched a taped broadcast of the Nutcracker Ballet, Jessi asked 'Is BB King still alive?". We said we thought so, and asked why she wanted to know. Jessi explained that she thought she saw him in the finale scene of the ballet.....

We had to explain that his music is a little different than what you would find in a ballet...