Hearing from God

1 Kings 19:11-13 (New International Version)

¹¹ The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

God's voice can be hard to hear sometimes over the noise of the world around us. What He speaks can be bent by others, and by our own interpretation. What seems powerful and urgent is not always the word of God.

Isaiah 30:21 (New International Version)

²¹ Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

If you've read my previous blog, you know that I am wrestling to hear clearly and follow God's will for me and my family. In particular, I have been praying that God clearly illuminates where I am to go work, by shutting down or making all other possibilities unattractive. I have also been praying for his clear revelation, that somebody would essentially come up to me and say "God wants you to work in xxx".

This morning as I was praying I feel that it was revealed that (a) I'm asking for the wrong revelation and (b) I'm listening to the wrong thing. I'll explain (b) first.

There have been two sets of input that we (Kris and I) have received in regards to my job situation. The first is from people who are aware of what is going on and are praying for us, or generally trying to offer advice. Whether godly people or not, we seem to get more negative input from this group - that the path we are looking at is not the right path. Much of this is based on emotion - fear for our safety, grief at the loss of friends moving away, desire to have us closer to family members. All of this input, while not unbiblical, does not seem to consider what God might have planned. I call these 'the word of the world'.

The second set of input has been from people who don't know the details of what we are evaluating, yet are delivering words which are divinely inspired. This includes words which Kris and I may receive ourselves during our prayer and devotional time (these coming directly from the Holy Spirit). [I'll apologize to those who do not have a close personal relationship with Jesus - this may seem like a lot of spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but it is very real to us - we can certainly talk with you in detail about why and how we believe that Jesus is real, alive and helps us.] These words all seem to be leading positively towards the path we see before us. I say seem because we do have to interpret the words we receive. It is possible that we are missing the interpretation - however, there are a number of different things we've heard from different sources, individually, that all together point in the path we see. Any of these individually could be interpreted to go somewhere else, but together it is difficult to see God saying anything but what is before us. We feel that we have the working of God as described in the passage from Isaiah above - when we look back on the promises of God, and his guiding words, we can see that we are on the right path. These are the 'words of God'.

I also said I was asking for the wrong revelation. I was asking to see where God wants us to be. The right question is to ask where God is working, and how He wants me to join. One of the things that we realized yesterday is that due to some aspects of the current economic situation, we may well be able to afford a much nicer home than we have now - in particular in a more upscale neighborhood. Looking at this from God's view, there is a known tendency for people who are well off to be self-reliant, they feel they don't need God. We currently live in a good, vibrant community, with many neighbors who profess Jesus as their Savior (not all do, but many). This I feel to be a spiritually safe place (maybe also because of the two churchs across the street...). By moving to a new neighborhood which does not respect the need for God, we move to a spiritually darker place, someplace that while it may be physically safe is not spiritually safe. One thing that I heard this week in a sermon was that if you feel that you are safe, then you aren't doing God's work. We need to be out in the world, so that people can see and learn to know Jesus. One way is to be in a place of people who are hurting economically and need to know good news of the eternal provision which is available for them.

So, the more we compare notes and interpret what each other has received, the more alignment we see in one direction - that we will be moving, and this will be difficult for us and our families - but there is some immediate good we can see, as well as some long-term possibilities.

We don't have a date just yet - I have been told by HR that an offer is being prepared, and they are trying to get the right management in the office to approve that, and then I will learn of whether this is the path God has for us or if he has been testing my discernment...

What to do...

So, I'm at a bit of a crossroads spiritually and emotionally. I've had one good interview in my job search, but its a bit further away from my extended family. I have a lot of pressure from some of my extended family to seek a position in Minnesota, but haven't really made much headway in getting somebody to look at my resume yet... I'm trying to see if God's will for me to stay here (in Chicago) last year is still His will, or if I am to do His work elsewhere. I'm resting in a fog of doubt and uncertainty, pondering what might be and probably getting ahead of myself with wishful thinking...

Part of the problem is dissociating my desires and will from what God wants me to do. I have a craving for new things and variety - a big move to a new company, doing new projects in a new house is certainly going to provide a big dose of change and variety. So, first off is to figure out if I'm leaving the Chicago area for greener (or snowier) pastures. God called me to stay here last year, to to take a position in the leadership of our Church. I want to be very certain that I am following His will if I leave here. This hasn't been clear to me so far - nobody has stood up and told me 'God says Go West young man!'. This may be a test of my discernment...

Another part is making sure that I go through this with the right motives, again following where God would have me to be. I don't want to follow the money, or feel that I need to provide for my family (immediate or extended) - but I need to trust in God's provision. Certainly it will be easy if when I get an offer it is such an obvious low-ball offer that its clear that I can't take that position, but what if it isn't? I've been praying for God to make clear to me what the position is that I should take, that he closes down all other options. I've already had one phone interview end quickly because it was apparent that while I filled the role, there wasn't going to be an acceptable offer forthcoming. Where I start getting my self mired in uncertainty is by following this line of thought:

What if I get an offer that is acceptable, but still haven't heard from God to verify this?
What if there is something better coming up, and though this seems good it is really a 'closed door'?
Can I make the right decision on something that is acceptable to me, or will my excitement drown out the holy spirit warning me about a position?

I can't prove a positive outcome - the negative is easy (no offer, bad role, not a fit). Something that isn't negative might not be best - I can only pray for the discernment to know, to see the choir of angels that delivers 'THE' offer to me... ;) Only God can prove the positive (through that hypothetical choir of angels...).

More of the problem is that it's easy to take opportunities that have been presented and work them to a logical conclusion - which of course means getting the dream job that the posting represents. So I've been thinking about how wonderful it would be to live in Phoenix and bike more of the year, how awesome to be in Minnesota with family nearby, how we can sell our current house for a lot, and get a great house cheap (and worked out all the issues of how to finance, move, etc.). It becomes easy to put my interpretation on events and what I do hear from God, blessing each of these options...

I appreciate your ongoing prayers to help me see the path, to have discernment to follow Gods will for my family, to not be swayed by money, or family desires, or fears but to hold true to the eternal provision and be faithful to that.